Ok. So I know I started this blog in 2010 as a weight loss blog. It got waaay off track and although I lost a few pounds I didn't get anywhere near where I need to be. My doctor wants me to have weight loss surgery and my insurance won't cover it. None of it. There is no way I can afford it on my own, so I'm going to have to do things the hard way. I don't have a choice anymore. My body is crumbling under this weight. I can't walk 10 feet without getting out of breath. I get closer to diabetes with each passing day. I hate the way I look, even though I know I am beautiful on the inside. I know that deep down inside of me there is a thinner person just waiting to get out. I have decided to start attendin Overeaters Annonymous. It's a 12step program like AA, only it's for people like me who turn to food for comfort, for entertainment, for anything. I don't need an excuse to eat, I just eat. It's all I do and it's taken it's toll. I'll attend my first meeting next week or the week after. I have to call and see if next week's is open due to the New Year. It's finally settled into my brain, lose the weight or die. I don't have a choice. This weight WILL kill me it I don't get it off.
A couple of months ago I had really bad chest and shoulder pain. I thought I was having a heart attack and so did my mom. It scared the crap out of me. I was terrified that I was dying. I have a whole life ahead of me to live. I have a boyfriend to meet, a husband to marry and babies to birth. I'm too young to die! It turns out I had just really hurt my muscles in my shoulder but good grief!
I'm going to need a lot of support and prayers and I am handing my journey over to God. I know he can help me more than I can help myself. I just have to trust in him. It's not going to be easy, and I know you've all heard this before, but this year I will change my life. If I don't, I might not be here next year. That is a very real fact I am facing right now.
OOO, and I want to be more organized in the new year too.
Love, Hugs and Kisses
Tiffany
Hugs! Know exactly how you are feeling completely girlie! I was hoping things would get better after having Lukas but its going worse instead of better. I dont get to have my reduction until April at the earliest and I think I have been looking at that as my excuse for everything. I have been eating WAY too much. I dont want my kids to have me as an example right now! You will have to let me know how the meeting goes. I have been thinking I need something like that, AND shopaholics too! I love that movie and wish I could teach myself to stop shopping and spending but thats what I do with my stress, shop and eat!
ReplyDeleteThis past year was not a total loss babe. You did not gain correct? That is huge! I know it does not seem like it but you got this problem from me. I have been there. I am glad you have decided to go to these classes. You will be a different person next year! I want you to keep you eye on the goal and not on the journey. It is not going to be easy but I happen to know just how stubborn you are so you CAN do it! You should photo shop a pic of you at the weight you want to be at and put a copy by the fridge and in your car. KEEP YOU EYE ON THE GOAL. KEEP YOUR HEART ON JESUS.
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